The Only One For Me
by SSeselene
Summary: Sirius and Remus are in love...but the object of their affections would NEVER feel the same way about them...right?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One–There Are Four Kinds of Sexual Orientation **

Disclaimer: None of it is mine.

"Hey, Moony, Wake up!"

James. Again. By now, I assume he'd know not to bother me in the mornings, but _no_...

"Moony, get up now!"

"Prongs…go away."

Whoever was waking me up laughed, and I could tell it wasn't James. This person had a deep, throaty laugh, almost…barklike.

My eyes snapped open instantly. I knew that laugh anywhere. Of course, I found myself staring into the shining grey eyes of none other than Sirius Black. 

Feeling instantly more awake, I shoot up out of bed. Sirius is smiling at me…he doesn't know what that does to me.

That's right folks. I'm Remus Lupin, Hogwarts' resident gay werewolf. But no, of course that's not enough suffering, I have to be in love…IN LOVE!...with my best mate, Sirius. And of course, Sirius has to be the most resolutely straight person ever.

I know. You all ache to be me, right?

You see, I actually first realized I was in love with Sirius in our fifth year, shortly after he, and James and Pete, learned how to become Animagi for me…Sirius stood out the most to me, though…I may have been just imagining and hoping that it was true, but it just seemed like Sirius cared, in a way I've never seen anyone care about me before, not even my family. I just…kind of…let my guard down…and next thing I know, WHAM! I fell for him. Hard.

Then again, how could I not? The boy is bloody gorgeous. He's got this hair…like silk, even right when he wakes up. James likes to think he's got hair like Sirius', but his looks rather like...have you ever seen someone get electrocuted? Like that. Well, I've heard Sirius' many, many, MANY fans here at Hogwarts talk about him, and a good amount of those conversations are solely dedicated to his hair. Not that I blame them.

Sirius also has these astounding, fathomless grey eyes. Everyone says that. What I mean is, they're one of the first things anyone notices about Sirius. I wonder if they notice how they get all dark and stormy when he's angry, or upset. And when he's happy, they're almost like silver. That's one of the reasons why I can never say no to Sirius. Just to see him happy, to see his eyes like that.

I swear, Sirius Black…he's the eighth wonder of the world.

But he'll never, ever be mine.

"Moony?" Something nudged me in the cheek. "Moony, are you okay?" Sirius said, with a hint of worry in his voice.

Ignoring the fact that my cheek was burning where he'd touched it, I smiled. "I'm fine, Pads. I'm going to go take a shower."

I wonder if the water goes colder than 'ice?'

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The way I see it, there are four types of sexual orientation. Of course, you guys all know the first three, of course. The fourth one (and if you're this, you will die a slow, painful death by…chicken pecking) is Remussexual.

That's me. I can't see myself with anyone, male or female, except for Remus.

There's a problem, however, with being in love with you're best mate, who is male, and almost surely straight.

Do you see it yet?

Also, Remus is just too good for me. He's this beautiful, amazing, innocent, smart, funny…who the hell am I kidding?! Rem is PERFECT!

Right now, he's asleep, and James and Pete are in the Hall eating, so I'm free to stare at Remus' sleeping form all I want. I'm supposed to wake him up, otherwise he'll sleep right until dinner, but how could I possibly disturb something so beautiful?

But I would get an excuse to touch him, right? 

So I do. I walk up to him, and pick up his hand, not even realising what I'm doing. His hands…wow…they're soft as silk, except for the roughness of the occasional scar. I squeeze his hand, and–

He squeezes back. He's actually squeezing back! Granted, he's asleep, and probably thinks my hand is some girl's, but I'll take it.

I sit there for a few minutes, loving the way his hand feels on mine. Sadly, now that I've gotten this tiny bit of Remus' affection, I want…no, I need…more. Now.

Of course, some deity doesn't like me much, because at that moment, Remus starts to stir. I pull my hand away, with great regret, and nudge him, trying to make it look like that's what I intended to do this whole time.

"Moony, get up now!"

"Prongs…go away."

He thinks I'm James? I don't know why, but I start laughing at that. I stop pretty abruptly when he opens his eyes.

Moony's eyes are amber. Like a yellowy, golden brown colour. I could stare into them for hours and still crave more of them. I've never seen anyone with eyes like those…

I look back down at Remus. He's got this weird, glazed over expression…I worry about Remus so much, especially around the full moon. This could totally be one of those weird side-effects. Next thing I know, his eyes will fall out of his head, or something awful like that. I know it's stupid, but even that scares the living piss out of me. I nudge his cheek, which is oddly smooth, seeing as to how he hasn't shaved yet this morning. Great, just another thing I notice…and love…about Remus. I can't believe he can do this to me…I'd do anything for him, and I'm not normally a "likes doing stuff" kind of guy…for Remus, though…

There's nobody else like him…And nobody else for me. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One–How?**

Let it be known that I'm just bad at this kind of thing. You know, love and all. When I first realized I was in love with Sirius, I was dating a girl named Rachel Thompson. I felt so terrible about my sordid little unrequited love epiphany; I dumped Rachel on the spot.

I didn't exactly give her a reason, I just told her it was because of house elves and ran off. She probably thinks I molest the elves in the kitchens now.

Rachel was a great girl, too. She wasn't bad looking, and she was really nice. She's one of the five girls in their seventh year here in Gryffindor Tower.

One of them is Lily Evans, my friend James' girlfriend. Then there's Alice, who's engaged (I think…then again, why should I know?) to last year's head boy, Frank Longbottom.

The other two girls…their names are Jessica and Rose. I don't know anything else about them, and I don't care. They both should drop dead. 

Sorry, I don't normally talk like that. You see, Jessica and Rose are Sirius' only actual more-than-twenty-minutes-in-the-broom-closet girlfriends. He dated Rose for two weeks in our fifth year and Jessica for a month right after that. They were the last ones he ever dated too…he stopped dating girls right after fifth year. I'm starting to think those two did something to him.

And they both should die for it. 

Anyway, I go down to breakfast, and I see someone with really long, dark brown hair talking to _my_ Sirius.

Some of us prefer illusion to reality, you know. Especially when your reality sucks as much as mine.

So, the snot-faced brunette is Jessica. What she's doing talking to him, I don't know. I barely register that I'm oh-so-casually leaning against the wall (heh), gaping at my gorgeous best friend and his obnoxious ex.

"What'cha looking at, Moony?" James asks, leaning next me.

"Sirius…he's beautiful." I blurt it out before I can stop myself. SHIT. I DID NOT really just say that. 

"HA! I KNEW–" James said, but I cover his mouth with my hand and pull him into the broom closet right next to us. I've always wondered why there's one in the Great Hall. Emergency mopping issues, possibly. Someone spills some pumpkin juice, and Filch must clean it up before it…soaks into the wood floor, causing water damage.

Yeah. There's two seconds worth of welcome distraction.

Once we're safely away from the rest of the population of Hogwarts, I remove my hand from James' mouth. 

"–IT!" James is grinning madly, pointing at me. "You fancy Padfoot!"

"Prongs, that's not entirely true." If I'm going to say the thing, I should do it right. "I…I love him."

So much is carried in those three words, it's unbelievable. I don't think anyone loves anyone as strongly as I love Sirius. For instance, I bet you anything nobody else has noticed that Sirius has exactly twenty-one different smiles, and how each one makes my heart melt and shatter at the same time. Has anyone else noticed the way he holds his fork, or the way his eyes shine in this breathtaking way whenever something bad happens to a Slytherin?

I stare at James' dumfounded expression.

"Prongs–James. You have to SWEAR not to tell Sirius. Ever."

"Moony, I won't tell him."

"Thanks, mate." I run out of the broom closet, accidentally slamming James inside, though I'm too anxious to let him out again. I just bolt back to Gryffindor Tower without looking back. James _knows._ I thought this couldn't get any worse…

Then again, I'm willing to bet anything that I'm the only person in this school who's really, truly, eternally in love with Sirius Black.

And it's so unfair I almost want to scream, or cry, because I'm the only one who can't have him. Suddenly, I don't care about what just happened with James anymore. 

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**SLAM!**

That's the door in my face, in case you can't tell. It's not like Moony, either, to slam doors in the faces of handsome Quidditch stars.

I don't care, though. Moony loves Padfoot, and I'm grinning like a fool in the darkness. I can't believe I'm actually _not_ going to tell Sirius, who's practically my brother, that his love isn't unrequited.

Lily's rubbed off on me, you see. She's my amazing, beautiful, feisty girlfriend, and she's a complete romantic. I bet that if she knew about this, she'd envision Padfoot finding Moony's love confession on a letter, or whatever, and then he'd run upstairs, kiss Moony, and proclaim his undying love. Wow, that was just off the top of my head, there. See? That's me: Brilliant.

Shortly after that, they'd end up getting it on. Probably on my bed, or something like that. I'll remember to wash my sheets daily once they get together.

And they will, too. Or my name isn't James Harold Potter. 

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After my morning routine, I'm downstairs eating breakfast. I can barely eat, though, because I'm thinking about Moony.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jessica walking up to me. She's my ex-girlfriend, by the way…one of them. I dated Jessica for the longest, though. Probably because she looks so much like Remus, but…a girl. Her eyes are light brown, but they don't even compare to his. 

You see, I dated Jessica for her quick wit, and to get my mind of Remus, to try and convince myself I wasn't gay. That part didn't work. Jessica's likeable enough, I guess.

Except for the fact that she's friends with Rachel Thompson. That bitch. How could Rem even _THINK_ she's good enough for him?

"Hey Sirius." Jessica sits down next to me.

"Hi, Jess." I sigh dramatically. Jess apparently thinks that she and I are still friends…especially when she senses something's wrong with me.

As I fall deeper into the "I Love Moony" hole, she talks to me more and more often. I haven't yet decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing. 

"What's wrong?" she asks. See. I told you.

"Nothing, I'm just…" No way am I telling Jessica about how I love Remus. Only two people know that, Lily and James. James had to be an arrogant prat and go telling his girl about it.

We talk for a while about whether or not I'm all right. In the end she reasons that I'm depressed because I failed an essay in Potions, which I did not, and even if I did, I wouldn't care.

My eyes suddenly flick to the door of the great hall, drawn unconsciously to the shaggy, golden brown head of one Remus Lupin. He's running out of the Great Hall, and before I even register it, my feet are pulling me after him.

He runs all the way to Gryffindor Tower, more specifically, to my bed in our dormitory. I don't think he realizes that it's not his own.

"Rem, are you okay?" I stutter. 

He jumps. He looks at me. "I'm fine, Sirius."

He doesn't look fine to me, but I don't press him. After what happened with Snivellus and the willow last year, I fear that he still isn't ready to confide in me. It breaks my heart, but I need to regain his trust.

I wonder what he's so upset about. I feel a surge of anger towards whoever caused it, then a surge of sadness. If Remus is sad, I'm sad…it's always been like that, and I think it always will be.

I'm aching to put my arms around Remus. His tragic beauty is nearly overwhelming.

That's it. I love him so much I can barely stand it…it almost hurts. I need to find out if he feels the same way, somehow…

But how? 


End file.
